Confused.......

Lately I have been focused and distracted at the same time. One minute I am certain and clear of the things I want to do, the next minute, I am hopeless. wandering aimlessly in the corner or sitting stupidly in my chair.

One day I can honestly say I CAN RULE THE WORLD, but the next day I can't even help myself. I am struggling so bad right now, I don't want to admit it. I always say.....

I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this

but my trick has not worked for me lately.

I am in a dilemma, on the left, is going through all this all by myself, thus making my stronger and better as a person. on the right, is asking the aid of my family, friends and loved ones, thus making my relationship with them more open and healthy.

lonesome self worth and pride to myself, or vulnerable transparency and open communication with other people.

I am scared to the bones about this, its no longer healthy. At my age crossroads are everywhere, I see my friends living the time of their lives, spending their time with their forevers, shifting careers from the work that paid the bills to work they love it no longer feels like work. From start of every afters to children that both brings joy and chaos into your lives. I want that, I need that, I think I do, now? maybe later, maybe never, next year I guess. I DON'T KNOW!

I am so confused. but I don't want others to see my confusion, I am in no position to be distracted, well openly disctracted, people are depending on me and looking up to me, I need to make an example although I don't know how. I NEED TO DO THIS...... I CAN DO THIS can just follow me from behind. So for now I put on my pokerface and face head on the problem ahead.